It struck me today that some people view my child as a liability. An accident or lawsuit waiting to happen, or just fraught with too many possible unknowns for their comfort level. Because of his food allergies, perhaps they see the world for him as full of dangers instead of full of millions of opportunities to pursue, activities to engage in, and foods to eat, of which Ben has to abstain from only a relatively small percentage.
I feel this most acutely at Ben's preschool. They do an annual fundraiser where each parent bakes 10 dozen cookies (another subject all together, don't even get me started) and then they assemble the various cookies onto trays of 3 dozen apiece and we parents are supposed to sell them for $12 to parents, friends, relatives, acquaintences, the milkman, random people on the street, etc. Not only am I the world's worst salesperson, but I have a real problem selling loved ones overpriced goods that they don't need, so I opted to volunteer and assemble cookie trays instead of actually soliciting buyers. Sorry if you were dying to buy stale cookies for more than they're worth.
But I digress...Anyway, they had babysitting for the kids while the moms helped make the trays and when I tried to drop Ben off, he wouldn't go, so I let him come in with me. At first I had him sit on the side, but then thought he might have fun helping choose cookies to put on the trays. We each wore the requisite plastic gloves and were enjoying picking from all the fun varieties and counting out the specific number for each tray. I knew that all the cookies were made with wheat flour and many had eggs and nuts in them, but he's fine as long as he doesn't eat them. I had some Benadryl in the car as well in case anything happened. A few minutes later a well-meaning preschool administrator came over and asked if I'd like to put Ben in the nursery. I explained that he wouldn't go and that we were fine, and she said she was just worried about his food allergies and the cookies being a bad mix. A valid concern. She knows Ben because of all the rigamarole we had to go through at the beginning of the year filling out medical forms and dispensing EpiPens and Benadryl in case of emergency. The look on her face showed that she was really uncomfortable with the situation and clearly didn't want Ben in there. She said, unconvincingly, "Whatever you're okay with." So Ben stayed and she was nice enough to get him some crayons and a coloring book to keep him occupied while we finished.
Am I being obtuse, paranoid, taking unnecessary risks, or not respecting the preschool's wishes? Earlier in the week they'd had me come to the preschool to look at Ben because he broke out in a little rash on his face when the class made cookies, which he didn't eat. I just told them over the phone to give him a shot of Benadryl, since I knew exactly what was happening, but they wanted me to see it. I came with my Benadryl and by the time I got there, they'd already given him some like we'd discussed and he was fine. What was the point of me coming? I also have to pack Ben a separate snack box since he can't eat some of the treats other families bring to share. I totally understand that and am fine with it. I don't expect people to cater to my son's culinary peculiarities. But I've mentioned a number of times that if they have juice, dairy, fruits, or veggies, he is fine to eat them. Yet they still won't give them to him for precautionary reasons. For heaven's sake, there's no wheat in a carrot!
Whew. Thanks for letting me rant. Have you ever encountered a situation where you felt like you were seen as a bad parent or people were wary of you or your child for any reason?
5 comments:
Oh Nollie. That is sad. I am sorry. Different is always hard for people. I do not envy you those cookie sales/baking Nazi requirements. When can you come over to play?
Don't get me started on the bake sale situation.... You know my feelings on it already. However, they were just heightened reading this post. But regardless, we love having Ben in preschool with Tyler and are so glad you are willing to put up with their garbage - mostly. Ty would be lost w/o his buddy, Ben.
Oh boy! That sounds like a big pain!
I hope you guys are having a great holiday season. Not sure how we could do it but we'd love to see you soon!
Katie
Nollie, that sounds like such a rough situation. I agree that different is always hard for people.
My my my. Obviously, you know I know EXACTLY what you're talking about all around. {Between the million dozen cookie obligation, the ward party, and having a newborn, I almost pulled a pre-Christmas nutty last year.}
You know, the thing I've found is that it's nice when people are being OVERLY-cautious, because the more difficult thing to me is when they aren't concerned at all and treat you like you're overprotective and coddling your child. As if the carrying-around of the epi-pen is a hyper-paranoid ploy to get extra attention for your child. No, no guys--it's because if he has peanuts he may STOP BREATHING, and this syringe will JUMP START his lungs.
On the disaproving-of-your-parenting note, yes, I think we all feel that from time to time. I mostly feel it from one of my sil's. Most recently it's because I don't force Taylor to wear tights to church. Ah well, I really don't think Taylor's bare legs are going to keep either of us out of heaven, so I'll endure the disapproving looks. Mothering: it requires you to grow a thicker skin, I guess.
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